Sunday, February 28, 2010

Shameless Encounters of the Drunk Kind or Liquor-Loquacity

If you've ever woken up with half a bagel on your chest, one contact in, and your spandex American Apparel dress rolled up to just under your breasts (exposing your naked bottom half)  then you've probably got some splainin' to do.  Welcome to my morning.

Last night was kind of a blast from the past.  I partied it up Purim style with C in the financial district.  Drank some wine.  Ate some triangle pastries.  Met some new people and remet some others.  And that is probably where I went wrong.  My thoughts this morning:

7:00 AM: Oh man, huuunnngg over. hair izzzza messss. tvzzz onnn...remote...wheresma remote? Where the fuck? oh there! no, cell. uhhh don't move head. can't move body. ouch. or eyes. just feel for remote. (yes, my thought were slurred)
10:00 AM: fuck! oh sat up to fast. cell phone...where is my cell phone? got it. nope. remote.  *realization*  Damn I really said that.  That was messed up.  Good thing I don't care that much.  Does that make me a sociopath?

Back to last night.  5 people who went to my high school were at this party.  SUPER random.  I know this may not seem like a big deal but 60 people a class is not a lot.  Rarely do I randomly run into people from my high school.  What's more 4 out of 5 were in my sister's class (the fine '99) and one of C's roommates was hooking up with the golden god of BC (and i mean back in the day when he entered the room time slowed and a voiceover sang 'You sexay thang, you')  Damn now that song is gonna be stuck in my head....'you sexay thaaaannnng'

Anyway I started talking to this guy who knew my sister in middle school and...then I just couldn't stop. And then things got really out of control.  Things that you shouldn't do/say to your sisters friend from middle school.  Or anyone really:

"My family is much like the Maury Show"
"Oh God. Yesh, not a huge fan of kids there all needy and drooly and nose-pickey.  I'd never be a teacher. What do you do?"  to a teacher.
"Yeah, my sister has a new bf.  He's good for her.  I think she's less crazy now."
"So...tell the truth.  Did you make out with her?" About my sister he'd last seen in 8th grade

Enter Ex Bed-Buddy who C and I have both kept warm at night.  And his friend from home...his homie one might say.  AND segway into things not to say to the homie of and EBB.

"My new BESTIEEE"
"See that guy over there...C and I both hooked up with him" to homie about EBB.
"...And then he broke up with me through email.  EMAILLL....email." about EBB
"I still think he's kind of cool but he's such a nerd.  I mean I guess you're kind of a nerd too"  (what? he was an engineer)

At which point it was really like I was playing 'in how many different ways can I offend homie' game...vs my self.   Can it really get worse?  Yes.  Yes it can.  Side note:  I'm not sure where my shame has gone.  I feel it slipping away and I can't blame it all on the the alcohol.  Ex 1.  A few weeks ago I painted my nails on the A train at rush hour.  Ex 2.  Yesterday I grabbed my breasts in a cafe because I was convinced that one had somehow become larger than the other.  So yeah. weight comparison in public.  And I didn't even realize how weird it was until I'd decided that they were the same as they had always been. (couple mins)

Once again back to the party. what else did I say to homie/my friend L (who I kind of accuse of aiding and abetting)

Me:  Whose the girl in the sweater-set?  Oh man, that's a bad choice.
L:  She is not cute.
Homie:  I think she's pretty.
Me:  I mean I'm not trying to hate.  I don't think she's ugly.  I question why she had to go all martha stewart up in this biznitch.
Homie:  You're totally hating.
Me: I know.  Look she's from LA, I'm from NYC its what we do.
Homie:  EBB is hooking up with that girl

*silence* thoughts FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK
Me: Well then, let's go ahead and change the topic.

Talking resumes because like I said I have no shame.

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