Thursday, March 4, 2010

Armed and Dangerous

I like to think that people have missed my blog posts the past two days.  I also like to think that when I am absent people think I'm actually doing cool and impressive things like inventing something or stalking Tina Fey.  But, no.  In general I don't do things because I'm just too lazy or helplessly hungover or caffeinated into a coma.  And I've probably been watching a Law and Order: SVU marathon for 15 hours because I'm too lazy or too hungover or caffeinated to find the remote.  But this time none of those reasons explain my digital 'Gone Fishin' (actually hungover might be a sign of a problem seeing as how it was mid week).

The fact is I've lost my muse.  And yesterday I today I got it back from the gods and Michael Jackson.

I'm not sure if everyone has heard about the viscous attack on poor little Blanket Jackson by his cousin Jaafar (I couldn't make that name up).  Apparently the 21st century equivalent of mailing in your cereal box tops is buying weapons online.  Jermaine's pride and joy (age 13) bought a taser gun online and upon receiving it decided to test out the product.

The shocking press a few days ago prompted Child Services to investigate the Jackson home.  The family now denies that any of MJ's kids were near the weapon at any time.  And that as soon as the family knew the children has acquired the weapon it was confiscated.  Witnesses are sticking to their stories and are claiming that Jaffar also threatened Prince.  

What would MJ do?

My guess is that he'd be 'Speechless'.  Maybe ask Jafar 'who's bad'.  Perhaps tell him to 'Beat It'.  Possibly ask him if he 'Wants to Be Startin' Somethin'.  Annnnnd I'm done.  

In other 'I'm embarrassed about what some crazy black people' do news.  Naomi Campbell.  

Running in heels is a good talent when your a super model fugitive.  This malicious model was on the run yesterday after beating her driver and fleeing the scene.  She accused him of covering up some of her boyfriends infidelities and as a co conspirator his punishment was death by high heel.   Anyway the driver isn't filing any criminal charges because he probably just wants money.  And so the evil -anger-issues-empire remains and still hasn't learned a lesson.  

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