Skip to main content

TMI Thursday: Hair Today....Gone Tomorrow

My waxist is a Nazi.   And she has been carrying out illicit-amoral experiments on my nether region.  You know that scene in The 40 Year-old Virgin, where Steve Carrell actually gets his chest waxed by a giggling asian beautician?

Well, its true.  Except she's an Indian version of satan with a price on my vagina's head (?!?).  Perhaps a poor diction.   Anywho...she sucks...but do you know what sucks more?  The fact that I always take her back.

There are few positions more awkward than having your legs behind your head on a table stolen from a gynecologist's office veiled with a thin piece of paper that sticks to your ass which is sweating in anticipation of the vaginal pain your body is about to shudder through.  The only thing that can make this situation more awkward is being naked from the waist down and having a woman you barely know berate you for missing your scheduled appointment a month ago.  The one you skipped because females of our species are, at times, also driven solely be their genitalia.  Although, to be fair, I can't fault her (my who-ha) for acts of self-preservation.  I think that makes me genetically viable or something.  Also, lets be honest, it was a hard day and if I'd visited the waxing warlord I definitely would've left crying.

I know I'm not the only one...waxing hurts like hell.  But, Oprah-help me, I keep going back.  And I know I'm not alone.  Women the world over go every month.  In spite of the fact that there is something wrong with hoping that one day, like your mother before you, your skin will be desensitized enough to leave a waxing session without a single salty tear rolling down your cheek.  There's also the hope that you'll get married and give up...which I unfortunately wouldn't.  At least there's electrolysis.  But I kind of feel like I should harvest some eggs, just in case, before I go down that road.  

So yeah....TMI...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

4 Awesome Things

So AW introduced me to this new blog called, 1,000 Awesome Things  which I'm really enjoying.  And I like a lot of her/his posts and loooove a bunch of 'em.  But some of them are N/A for me.  I appreciate the dedication and in no way is my post a 'this-is-what-you-forgot-even-though-you're-only-at-442-awesome-things post.  It's more of a Claudia's-5-awesome-things-that-you-should-add post.  I'll be honest I haven't read all of the posts so I'm not entirely sure that one or all of these suggestions aren't already on the list.  But, if there's any overlap I promise it is a matter of awesomeness oneness and universal agreement, not a matter of intellectual property theft. 1.  Rediscovering, playing, and singing old school Disney movie songs with (or without) your friends. In 6th Grade I had a part filapino friend who would watch Mulan with me on a weekly basis.  she would bend over tie her hair in a bun really tight.  She'd cross her ar
Post a Comment
Read more

I Realize It's Wednesday But...

So Big C works on Irving Place and I used to always make him take me to this mediocre Chinese food place down the street.  It was a sort of reparation for forcing me (an overweight, bookish, and oh-so-awkward) middle schooler to meet co-workers and bosses at his company and wait for hours..... hours for him to decide that he had worked enough for that day.   I never fully understood why I liked this place so much.  It's got this gaudy decor with garish chandeliers and faux-wood panelling.  It's like those party venues which advertise on public access television and where you imagine the Gotti family has hosted every special occasion ever. Tonight I find myself heading back there with AB and co.  But on my last visit (during the summer) I made a shocking revelation which would wondrously connect my current and middle-school self in some existential meaning-of-life way.  Two words.  Free wine. I've never been someone who's huge on going out of my way for free things..
1 comment
Read more

Life Without Insurance

While, in the past few months, healthcare legislation has sky-rocketed through a democratic legislative branch it appears it may be slowing down. With the death of Senator Kennedy (RIP) beloved senator of Massachusetts and the election of a candidate from the evil empire, democrats have lost their super majority and what some believe to be hope for any real change to healthcare. Now, it is often said that politics is personal. I get that. But since older generation got a lot of the heavy lifting done on my personal issues. The ones I've taken up kind of seem a little lackluster. Anywho...with the ringing in of the new year I became one of a rather large group of Americans without healthcare. What does this mean? Essentially I need a job or the immune system of a superhero. It means my $11.00 co-pay is now $180.00 for monthly medication. It means that doctors wont take me as a patient (that's right, wont take me, not even if I pay them). Did you know that college
Post a Comment
Read more