Wednesday, July 21, 2010

4 Awesome Things

So AW introduced me to this new blog called, 1,000 Awesome Things which I'm really enjoying.  And I like a lot of her/his posts and loooove a bunch of 'em.  But some of them are N/A for me.  I appreciate the dedication and in no way is my post a 'this-is-what-you-forgot-even-though-you're-only-at-442-awesome-things post.  It's more of a Claudia's-5-awesome-things-that-you-should-add post.  I'll be honest I haven't read all of the posts so I'm not entirely sure that one or all of these suggestions aren't already on the list.  But, if there's any overlap I promise it is a matter of awesomeness oneness and universal agreement, not a matter of intellectual property theft.

1.  Rediscovering, playing, and singing old school Disney movie songs with (or without) your friends.

In 6th Grade I had a part filapino friend who would watch Mulan with me on a weekly basis.  she would bend over tie her hair in a bun really tight.  She'd cross her arms placing one hand over the other and bob her head from side to side with each word singing: "Ancestors, hear my plea, please bring honor to my family".  

Recently I was reminded of that favored after school activity.  I was at a friends apartment when a Disney song came on his Ipod stereo.  I think there was moment of embarrassment.  Cause you know, that if its on an Ipod any Ipod you own, you were clearly way out of Disney's target child audience and put it on anyway.  But then everyone regresses (drunkenly, on this saturday night) and ventures down an impromtu karaoke of Disney and the like (shout out to Prince of Egypt.  sidenote: NOT Disney but "There Can Be Miracles". what?  Mariah and mildly-crackhead-Whitney? what, what?).  And then suddenly J's ipod is not enough and other people start pulling Disney skeletons out of closets cause "what you don't have the Lion King?  How do you not have the Lion King?"

2.  When parents take their crying babies outside.

So babies make me a little uncomfortable.  Holding people's babies is at once thrilling and terrifying.  At first they look at you all, 'whoa your head is ginormous, AWESOME'  then its all, 'dude what's up with the way your holding me' then 'where's my mom?'  'where the FUCK is my mom?!? Who are you lady".  Meanwhile you're all, Yo, no bitch I dont want to hold your baby.  Then you're all Whoa you are small and your eyes are too big for your head.  Your not so bad.  Then your all  Oh wait, what are you doing? Stop moving.  Please don't let me drop it, please don't let me drop it.  And that's when the crying starts. And you look around because you're convinced that people think you've done something to this poor baby cause your not holding it right OBVIOUSLY and you're supposed to cause you have a uterus and that's like a innate skill.  

In other situations you have no connection to this baby.  You're just sitting reading, minding your own business and then you hear a cough out of the stroller and your like. uh oh.  But then its quiet and you hear two coughs then kicking then a series and then this kid starts wailing like you've just killed its mother and you are powerless.  powerless to do anything but turn up your headphones and try not to stare at the overburdened, baby-weight carrying, sleep-deprived mother.  Because lets be honest.  She's probably hormonally unstable and might crack if you test her.  
But then sometimes.  There are those glorious new mothers who remember a time long ago before diaper changing and midnight feeding who remember how annoying it was to hear a baby crying while you're reading/talking/web surfing in a public place.  Thank you.

3.  Empty Movie Theaters and Movie Buffets.  

In New York its like 12 bucks to see a movie, at least. (Don't even get me started on 3D...abominations).  So its particularly frustrating when a new movie comes out and you have to wait in line and then the movie is sold out.  Or, worse, when you wait in line only to have the seats (and GOD knows why they even exist) where you can see Leonardo Dicaprio's fucking nose hair but not the full screen.

But the empty movie theater is Gods gift.  It's not like you NEED all that space.  But you don't have to worry about people asking you to move over, the couple making out in front of you, or the 'OH NO HE DIDN'T's of some *cough* movie theaters.  Its quiet and cool and you get all the armrest you want.

The Movie Buffet is a term my uncle Charles "Pepper, but you can call me Dr. Pepper" Trahan coined.  He's evidence of the genius trait in my family and he's legit but he will hustle the shit of you if you let him.  He used to take me to movie buffets.  It's basically when you have nothing else to do and sneak into as many movies in a row as possible.  I'm not saying its ethical, BUT, neither is paying $13 for a ticket.  And to tell you the truth movie theaters don't even really make their money on the films, they make it on the concession.  I'm sorry, but I probably gain a little to much enjoyment about paying $6.50 for a movie and sticking to the man than I should.

4.  Face Plants...except for when its old people.  

There is nothing more embarassing than the face plant.  But when its not you.  It is hilarious.  There are many reactions to the face plant:  the mocking 'dufus' laugh, the 'that was hilarious' laugh, the 'are you a. alive b.  injured c. ok cause that was hilarious laugh'.  There's also the 'omg she's dead', the 'holy shit, that's got to hurt' etc. you get the point.

Fundamentally there are two schools of thought.  Those who laugh at face plants and those who don't.  I'm clumsy and I fall a lot and I think its awkward when no one laughs with me cause I sure as hell am laughing.  And so when its other people I just have to.

Awesome Face Plants.

"That Was Hilarious"  laugh. Fifth Grade.  Karen one of the nerdiest bigger kids.  Scurries to class carrying her backpack which is way to big for her in that hunched over little kid sort of way. teeters on the edge of the stairs and fights the triple team of her backpack, gravity, and the books she's holding in her arms.  She loses and flies down the stairs on her back (like a frisbee) only to reach the bottom step trip again and land on her face.  I will never forget that.

"Holy Shit That's Gotta Hurt" laugh Senior Year.  Penn.
A late night biker speeds past on Locust walk, almost hitting me.  He notices a brick protruding from the path.  But its too late.  His bike stops but his body doesn't.  Good thing you were wearing a helmet.

This last one sounds wrong but common'  they're close to the ground.  The little kid face plant.

"This Is Kinda Wrong....But Also Hilarious" laugh. Last Week.
*enter little kid (toddler-ish) and mom.  Child runs in, grabs a pole and swings one way.  He changes hands and swings the other way*
Mom:  Stop sit here.
*kid frowns and sits
*Mom 'rests her eyes'*
*Little kid takes the opportunity to get up and swing on pole.  around, around, around.  change direction, around, around....BAM. *
*Kid looks bewildered, confused, topples and WAILS*  

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