Why You Have to Look Both Ways.

So I totally plan on actually blogging today instead of stealing other peoples intellectual property. But this me AN and MF stumbled upon this video this weekend.

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TMI Thursday: Hair Today....Gone Tomorrow

My waxist is a Nazi. And she has been carrying out illicit-amoral experiments on my nether region. You know that scene in The 40 Year-old Virgin , where Steve Carrell actually gets his chest waxed by a giggling asian beautician? Well, its true. Except she's an Indian version of satan with a price on my vagina's head (?!?). Perhaps a poor diction. Anywho...she sucks...but do you know what sucks more? The fact that I always take her back. There are few positions more awkward than having your legs behind your head on a table stolen from a gynecologist's office veiled with a thin piece of paper that sticks to your ass which is sweating in anticipation of the vaginal pain your body is about to shudder through. The only thing that can make this situation more awkward is being naked from the waist down and having a woman you barely know berate you for missing your scheduled appointment a month ago. The one you skipped because fe...

20/4,500,200

My left eyes is tearing. And I'm wearing glasses outside for the first time in years. I've worn contacts since 5th grade and for some reason I've always chosen the nerdiest glasses I could find. As if to say to myself, "you can fool everyone else with your fancy-schmansy contact lenses, but I know the real you, the 9-year-old-nerdy-nearsighed-you-who-wore-neon-yellow-plastic-frames. Remember? The ones that were taped in the middle. Bwahahaha...." The current pair are thick tortoise shell frame with a small square lens in the hipster nerd chic style. Thank god for the square lens because these pair are one rounded corner from making me look like Steve Urkel. (exhibit A (not my actual glasses)) The surgery wasn't actually that bad. EXCEPT my day is gone and I have to miss spinning AND pilates all because of this stupid laser eye surgery I just had. It's wasn't even the cool modern marvel kind that gives your near-sighted genetics the f...

I'll Fight For You and I'd Die For You; Can't Type For You, Won't Lie to You.

Dear Athena, You are like a sister to me. And when I say sister, I don't mean, like, an actual sister, but I m ean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think. Despite lofty aspirations and the noblest of intentions it appears I won't write you daily emails like I promised I would. And I'm sorry. I'm working on it. I did google the cost of Chinese Rosetta Stone if that makes a difference. But you know what being perfect is like...(see below--figure 1 and 2). I just can't do it if it's not amazing... I've attached a photographic essay I found. You should really be more careful with your image on the internet. I know its a poor replacement for communication buy if it helps I've thought of 10 or so midly ignorant racial comments while writing this. I omitted them cause I'm growing and I love you and I think the Chinese government has been reading our emails. ...

Are We There Yet?

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