Skip to main content

My Television is a Fucking Republican

I recently accused my ex-boyfriend of being a republican.  I suppose it's easy to demonize ex bfs but that wasn't the case.

Wait.  Some background.

Big C calls me John McCain as an insult.
I protested child labor in front of the Disney store...when I was 9.

But don't get me wrong.  I'm no dirty-hippy-organicly-grown-on-my-roof-top-brooklynette (shout out to Jersey Shore for inspiring that last word).  Whining-useless-activist-intellectuals annoy me as well.  Don't just bitch.  Do something.

It's almost amazing to me how close-minded both extremes can be.  With no idea and no interest in maybe...I dunno....seeing a ray of legitimacy or exhibiting a ray of understanding to another point of view.

That being said.  I'd take a wack-job chaining himself to a tree over the Manson-mailers sending death threats to democratic politicians...over healthcare...really?!? health care?!?  There are so many things inherently wrong with that situation I'm not going to even try to analyze that.

The point is...my television and possibly my ex bf (he made some arguments contrary but the jury is still out) are fucking Republican.  My television has clearly chose the right (but oh-so-wrong) side of the aisle.

But how do I know, you ask?

Woke up one day.  Got some Honey Nut Cherrios in a bowl.  Sat down on the livingroom couch to watch CNN.  Turn the TV on.  It's Fox News.  maybe its a fluke...maybe the cable box was left on...maybe I didn't actually turn it on. (still begs the question of who in my household was watching Fux News. But ok.)  Turn off cable box.  Turn on cable box.  Fox News.  Turn off.  Turn on.  Fox News.  Off.  On.  Fox....WHAT. THE. FOX.   *cue twilight zone music*

In case some of you are thinking...oh well obviously your television has been programmed by someone by accident to make Fux 5 your starter channel  (what happened to the good ol' days of channel 3 or sometimes 2 in weird places like the holiday inn airport hotel).

No.

Parents room.  on.  Fox News.
Dad's Office. on. Fox News.
Guest Room on. Fox News.

What is going on???  Where is NY1???

So in summation my televisions or cable boxes or cable company or sick sick sick prank playing cable guy or my ex bf (a person of interest in this conspiracy) are republican.  One or all of these things are my conclusion.

In case you need an example of why this is a bad thing...why Fox News is so effin bad.  There are many.  It's the number one news network (as in, it informs the most Americans on political happenings) and it doesn't give a fuck about fact checking.  It's baffling and is also humorous when it isn't just sad.  But if you need a fantastic example...please.  please watch this.


The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Big Bang Treaty
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party


 Also...Glenn Beck?  'nuff said.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TMI Thursday: Hair Today....Gone Tomorrow

My waxist is a Nazi.   And she has been carrying out illicit-amoral experiments on my nether region.  You know that scene in The 40 Year-old Virgin , where Steve Carrell actually gets his chest waxed by a giggling asian beautician? Well, its true.  Except she's an Indian version of satan with a price on my vagina's head (?!?).  Perhaps a poor diction.   Anywho...she sucks...but do you know what sucks more?  The fact that I always take her back. There are few positions more awkward than having your legs behind your head on a table stolen from a gynecologist's office veiled with a thin piece of paper that sticks to your ass which is sweating in anticipation of the vaginal pain your body is about to shudder through.  The only thing that can make this situation more awkward is being naked from the waist down and having a woman you barely know berate you for missing your scheduled appointment a month ago.  The one you skipped because fe...
Post a Comment
Read more

20/4,500,200

My left eyes is tearing. And I'm wearing glasses outside for the first time in years.  I've worn contacts since 5th grade and for some reason I've always chosen the nerdiest glasses I could find.  As if to say to myself, "you can fool everyone else with your fancy-schmansy contact lenses, but I know the real you, the 9-year-old-nerdy-nearsighed-you-who-wore-neon-yellow-plastic-frames.  Remember?  The ones that were taped in the middle.  Bwahahaha...."  The current pair are thick tortoise shell frame with a small square lens in the hipster nerd chic style.  Thank god for the square lens because these pair are one rounded corner from making me look like Steve Urkel. (exhibit A (not my actual glasses)) The surgery wasn't actually that bad.  EXCEPT my day is gone and I have to miss spinning AND pilates all because of this stupid laser eye surgery I just had. It's wasn't even the cool modern marvel kind that gives your near-sighted genetics the f...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'll Fight For You and I'd Die For You; Can't Type For You, Won't Lie to You.

Dear Athena, You are like a sister to me. And when I say  sister, I don't mean, like, an actual sister, but I m ean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.   Despite lofty aspirations and the noblest of intentions it appears I won't write you daily emails like I promised I would. And I'm sorry.  I'm working on it.  I did google the cost of Chinese Rosetta Stone if that makes a difference. But you know what being perfect is like...(see below--figure 1 and 2). I just can't do it if it's not amazing...  I've attached a photographic essay I found.  You should really be more careful with your image on the internet.   I know its a poor replacement for communication buy if it helps I've thought of 10 or so midly ignorant racial comments while writing this.  I omitted them cause I'm growing and I love you and I think the Chinese government has been reading our emails.       ...
Post a Comment
Read more