Why You Have to Look Both Ways.

So I totally plan on actually blogging today instead of stealing other peoples intellectual property. But this me AN and MF stumbled upon this video this weekend.

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Dear United Healthcare Insurance

I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry I graduated and you felt you had to leave me. But I never wanted to part ways with you. I need you in (and for) my life. I've been so sick, actually ill, all week. And while I would usually turn into your united-caring arms, I find myself alone. The pain has been unbearable. I want you back. I need you back. When we first got together I had no baggage, no pre-existing conditions. But now I'm older and life has matured me and I need you more than ever. But is the cost too high? What premium am I willing to pay for your undivided-extended coverage? The truth is I'll pay anything. Just don't deny me. Can you resist this face? Lots of love, Coping with Cobra after College

"On Losing" or "On Dating Down" or "On 'Jesus He is Not As Attractive As Her'"

I people watch. I am friends with people watchers. We watch people together. And sometimes we play games. In parks we see if people actually match their dogs. At cafes we look at couples and decide who is the loser and who is the winner. I'll define: The Loser: The person who is, for all shallow purposes, more attractive, probably smarter, and/or cooler. Also the one who has more friends. The Winner: The inferior of the pair who has somehow been blessed with money or a good heart or the psychotic break/blindness of their partner. You play this game long enough and you start to notice a trend. Girls lose so often and they lose bad. It gets so much more tragic when you move beyond the game. You begin to understand that this silly game is emblematic of life. You think of your friends who cry over losers (in this game winners). I mean guys who were, are, and will be, losers in life. And then with the slow, horrifying suspense of a nouvelle vague film you t...

I Realize It's Wednesday But...

So Big C works on Irving Place and I used to always make him take me to this mediocre Chinese food place down the street. It was a sort of reparation for forcing me (an overweight, bookish, and oh-so-awkward) middle schooler to meet co-workers and bosses at his company and wait for hours..... hours for him to decide that he had worked enough for that day. I never fully understood why I liked this place so much. It's got this gaudy decor with garish chandeliers and faux-wood panelling. It's like those party venues which advertise on public access television and where you imagine the Gotti family has hosted every special occasion ever. Tonight I find myself heading back there with AB and co. But on my last visit (during the summer) I made a shocking revelation which would wondrously connect my current and middle-school self in some existential meaning-of-life way. Two words. Free wine. I've never been someone who's huge on going out of my way...

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